Give Me A Break.

In a perfect world, Christmas break would be never ending and big girls named Angela Lynnette Auten would live at home with her mommy and daddy forever until Mr. Perfect or as Becky would dub him "MP" would come and sweep her off her feet and they would get married and live happily ever after. Instead, I have 4 more days in California with ideal weather until I have to return to BYU in Ewwtah and live with snow storms and douches named Fatty and other despicable boys and freeze my arse off daily. FMUL-Freak(not F*&@) My Utah Life. I'm already stressed about life when I get back there and I'm supposed to be on vacay now...what the crap is up with that? Let me just plan out some of my life when I get back to Ewwtah in case I forget things I was supposed to do and will be reminded when I thought I had done everything.

1. pay bills

2. buy groceries and get gas in my baby car

3. buy books and school supplies for new semester

4. get new mail key

5. buy shiz for Fatty's birthday (don't even ask me why I'm still being forced to participate in the dear child's birth-maybe he'll die before then and I'll get off easy but things like that never work in my behalf)

6. plan exercise and diet 

7. stick to above plan and lose excess weight (I've gained a good 10+ pounds since thanksgiving that i am not thankful for right now)

8. go join in Fatty's festivities even though I haven't seen him since he was a complete jerk to me.

9. try to relax before new semester starts (not very likely)

10. Try to have a great semester and spend time with friends that will be graduating soon and leaving me here (what will i do...seriously?)

11. prepare for EFY interview and get nerves out of my system.

12. keep a wicked awesome journal and blog when i have the time (aka less facie time)

13. burn old clothes and buy new ones.

14. make goals and aspirations list and hang up.

15. listen to music and remember to smile.

Think happy thoughts. That may be the single biggest challenge...ugh! I hope everyone has a good rest of the holidays and let's hope this new year will be freaking awesome! If not, just freaking kill me now.

Loves.

Dear Utard Drivers,

You suck. Please get off the roads when you see me enter them. Whilst driving tonight, some idiot driver decided to get over WITHOUT signaling OR looking. I honked yet they proceeded over before I could slow down. I had to swerve into the other lane with oncoming traffic and then back over before someone hit into me head on. Needless to say, I was thisclose to being in tears by the time I got to my parking spot safe haven in the JFSB underground heated parking garage. I know you think I don't know anything about Utah driving with my California plates but I do know some things that I learned in this thing called drivers ed akay? It's crazy driving peoples like that that make me wish my parents never forced me to get my license and that I could just have a personal chauffeur for the rest of my life. I may have to talk to my future lover about that. Oh, while stripping down my car searching for my mail key I hear my phone ringing like mad. Who is it? One of my dear EFY boys calling to tell me where he's going on his mission. My dear little Mike is off to Santa Rosa, California in March. I almost started crying like a proud little mother. During my last EFY week  in the "Night of Darkness" company, we had 3 boys named Michael that all went by Mike. I dubbed them Utah Mike, Big Mike, and Mike from the Dirty South. All 3 of them have gotten their mission calls and I've cried with joy over them all. I seriously had the greatest little EFY children even though most of them are taller and bigger than I am...sad I know. I love my "EFY Mike's" as well as all the rest of my EFY kids. They're just the greatest! I should get to bed now since my crazy teacher scheduled a final at 8 in the AM...really? What were you thinking when you decided to have an 8 AM final for college students? Needless to say, I've set like 5 million alarms on every device in the casa. Oh, and guess who's going home to California tomorrow? Just little old me. Yippee Skippy Peanut Butter. I hate peanut butter actually. But going home is at least worth the yippee and skippy right? I think so at least.

Finals are my Fav!

That may be that fattest lie ever but I have to believe that to get through the rest of this week. I go home on Thursday and I'm so freaking excited! Today while taking an exam, I discovered this little roll that I thought to be a roll in my shirt. I adjusted my shirt and it went away. When I looked down about 30 seconds later, it had reappeared...what the nasty right? So I, Angela Lynnette Auten indeed have rolls on my stomach when I sit down. I felt like crying but decided to take action instead. As of next week, I will be starting a hardcore diet until I lose at least 5 pounds. I will be running when I get back to California (where I'll actually be able to breathe) and maybe I can convince Tiggs to run with me! So I heard that my friend ran into Fatty and apparently he's had the flu for like ever and has lost tons of weight. I was like that probably made him so happy since he's practically anorexic. Then she was like "no, he was just sick" and taking his side...really? That annoyed me a ton but I try not to think about it so I'm not tempted to punch certain people in the face even though sometimes they SO deserve it. So I took my last religion exam today and I freaking ROCKED it! I wanted to jump for joy and like air guitar it but I decided not to to avoid being locked up for being a crazy.

Dear Baby Gummy Bears,

If you continue to make me gain weight like no other, I will have to cut eating a carton of you a week...sad day right? (It has to be your fault and not just the ice cream, pizza, otter pops, dr. pepper and all the other crap foods I consume right?)I hope you see things my way so we can continue our serious relationship. Keep this on the DL, but you satisfy me way better than any man has and that's saying something.

Love, Miss Angela Lynnette

PS-No matter what I do, I CAN'T stop thinking about EJ (Fatty's new nickname since he's basically anorexic now)...why? Stupid boy. I hate his yellow jeep. I hate his perfectly toned body. I hate the way he thinks he's fat even though he lives at the gym. I hate the perfect smile he has. I hate the way he says my phrases (only I can say "that's cute" and roll my eyes in my uber girly voice)...I wish all the hates were true but I REALLY love all those things about him...F. 

Note to Self.

Otter pops, pizza, dr. pepper, and baby gummy bears are NOT considered a meal.